Deep Waters Below
by leonale
Summary: Set after Cyberwoman. Ianto had given up and is simply going through the motions, hoping to fade away. Well Jack was not going to let that happen. He has to find away to get him to reconnect with his life, but is it too late? Rated M for future chapterJ/I
1. Chapter 1

**The Deep Water Below **(Set after Cyberwoman. Ianto had given up and is simply going through the motions, hoping to fade away. Well Jack was not going to let that happen. He has to find away to get him to reconnect with his life, but is it too late? – Rated M for future chapters Ianto/Jack of course.**)**

Hello me dears, 

Set sometime after _Cyberwoman_ and before _They Keep Killing Suzie_. I know it was a while ago but for my money _Cyberwoman _is still one of the best episodes to date. All reviews are welcome. 

According to my friends, apparently I don't own Torchwood, any of the characters or actors…… who would have thought!

Ohh and this fic is rated M for later chapters. Well you can't beat a bit of Jack and Ianto action can you? Warning for suicidal thoughts as well. 

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**The Deep Water Below**

**Chapter 1 – That night**

He stood leaning on the edge of the barrage, the night was cold, almost freezing, but he did not notice. Dressed only in a light weigh suit his skin was covered in goose bumps, but he did not notice. The rain started to fall drenching him, plastering his hair to his face, but he did not notice. So many emotion surged through Ianto's body, his stomach clenched over again, knotting tight, making him want to sink to the ground and curl up into a ball. The deep water below him seemed calm, yet he knew that beneath that thin surface layer the waters ran deep and dark, and the turbulent currents ruled. Ianto did not, however, fail to notice the analogy. It felt as if the water was calling him. Wanting him to join it.

The thoughts of letting go had persisted for months now. He had put them to one side told himself that things would get better, get easier, that he would find a reason to keep going. He though that if he didn't then it would all have been pointless. Every bit of pain, every struggle since the battle of Canary Wharf, would have been pointless. Saving Lisa, pulling her from the building, down 20 floors, would have been worthless. But the thoughts had pushed there way back to the forefront of his mind.

The knowledge that even if anyone knew his thoughts, there would be no one there to catch him only plunged him into a darker place. It's not like he was anything special, why should anyone care. He didn't see it as an injustice. Just a fact. No-one had ever had any expectation of him doing anything with his life, so why disappoint now. He was tired of living like this; he was tired of being useless. What was the point? His grandfather had always said that life was what you made of it. But you can't make anything out of nothing. That's what he had nothing but his pain and grief. What could you possibly make from that, and why would you even bother?

And still the water called

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_Poor Ianto so alone. Chapter 2 up soon I hope_


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for all those who put the story on alert. You are a lovely lot. Please let me know what you think – good, bad, or indifferent. Sorry the chapters are short but i am not the fastest of writers as I thought this would help me post a bit faster. 

According to my friends, apparently I don't own Torchwood, any of the characters or actors…… who would have thought!

Jack/Ianto – no M in this chapter 

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**Chapter 2 – Early That Morning**

The alarm went off at 0600. As it did every morning.

He woke and forced himself out of bed, contra to popular option in the office he was not a morning person. He showered, shaved, made the bed, put on a suit, and had a cup of tea, before leaving for work at 0645 on the dot. As he did every morning.

He drove the short distant to work, parked, unlocked he door to the tourist office, disable the key security protocols, made his way down to the Hub at 0655. As he did every morning.

He moved silently through the Hub, straitening that which Jack had messed with since he left last night, checking Myfanwy was back in her nest, turning the coffee machine on. As he did every morning

He made coffee for himself and Jack, the others would not be in for hours (seemingly the rift was not a morning person either), he walked up to the captains office, knock lightly on the door, stepped in to the office. As he did every morning.

He felt a slight surge of anticipation as his stood on the threshold, a few butterflies fluttered around stomach. Jack was the only variation in his day, the only thing that he could not fully predict. He did often find it ironically amusing that even working for a top secret organisation that guarded a rift in space and time, and scavenged alien tech, that his day and everyone in it was completely predictable. Apart from Jack.

"_Ianto!" _Jack greeting him as he walked in. He was climbing up from his "bedroom". Looking up at the Welshman he focused his 100 watt smile on him_ "Wow, its cute suit day! I dooo love cute suit day_".

"_Good Morning Sir_, _I trust you slept well_" Ianto responded fixed polite smile in place, putting the coffee carefully on a coaster on Jacks desk.

"_Thanks Ianto you are a wonder_" Jack said lifting the coffee to his lips

"_Is there anything else sir_"

Jack looked over the brim of the mug, apprising the state of the young Welshman. He was immaculately turned out as usual, but something about him looked tired and unkempt. Something in his eyes and the way held himself. "_How are you Ianto?_"

Slightly taken aback Ianto paused for just a second and Jack saw his mask slip just a fraction. It quickly returned with Ianto replying "_Fine Sir. If there is nothing else I need to feed Janet and the others_"

Jack watched him leave the office, concern for his youngest team member growing. It was as if Ianto had given up and was simply going through the motions, hoping to fade away. Well Jack was not going to let that happen. He had to find away to get him to reconnect with his life, starting today!

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Bit of a slow start I know. Let me know what you think. Off to top the beer up now


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks for soooo many alerts, and my reviews. Please tell me where you think I should go as the next chapter is not yet planned. Sorry. Now I must return to my beer. 

According to my friends, apparently I don't own Torchwood, any of the characters or actors…… who would have thought!

Ohh and this fic is rated M for later chapters. Well you can't beat a bit of Jack and Ianto action can you? Warning for suicidal thoughts as well. 

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**Chapter 3 – At Little Later That Morning**

Jack had be watching Ianto since he left his office, either through the glass wall of his office or using the CCTV system. It was 0900 now and the rest of the team where just rolling in, and he knew he would soon be getting constant interruptions. His two hours of uninterrupted observation, however, had given Jack a chance to note a few things

The "Cute Suit" was definitely Jack's favourite. Fitting in all the right places, especially when Ianto was bending over the filing cabinets in the archives.

Ianto didn't stop for breaks

Ianto did have the most gorgeous arse

Ianto work logical and methodically, but with absolutely no passion

Ianto looked adorable when he frowned

In summary Jack knew little more than he had 2 hours ago, apart from the fact he enjoyed watching Ianto work. Ok he probably knew that already too, he thought to himself, but it did make him wonder if he could introduce naked Fridays, to make the experience even better.

As Jack noticed Owen rolling in, hung over again a thought occurred to Jack. Why had he not picked up on this before now. Maybe it was because Ianto was so good and bending in and going unnoticed. If Ianto got to work before 0700 and rarely left before 2100, what did he do apart from work?

Having finished making fresh coffee for everyone Ianto wondered up to the little tourist information office which acted as the "front" for Torchwood. He had an hour and a half before he would need to replenish the coffee, time enough to write up some outstanding reports, ensure the pay run was complete and put in the stationary order.

He wanted to ensure that every lose end was tied up today. Just because he had no intention of being in the office tomorrow morning did not mean he could leave his work for the others to do. Which reminded him, must write a instruction list this afternoon on how to carry out his duties, any replacement they got for him would need it to get them started at least.

"_Meeting. Boardroom. Now_" Jack yelled as he exited his office.

Once they where assembled Jack started to talk only to be interrupted by Gwen.

"_Aren't we waiting for Ianto? Should I go hurry him up_?"

"_That wouldn't be the best idea_" Jack replied, continuing after the others threw questioning looks at him "_Well from past experience I have found that when you want to have a secret discussion about someone it tends to be best if there not there_"

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Please review even if just a word or two. Ta very much!


	4. Chapter 4a

**Ok not overly happy with this chapter but I have been struggling a bit and thought I better just post it. Sorry all the errors. **

According to my friends, apparently I don't own Torchwood, any of the characters or actors…… who would have thought!

**Chapter 4 –Later That Morning - Part 1**

Once they where assembled Jack started to talk only to be interrupted by Gwen.

"_Aren't we waiting for Ianto? Should I go hurry him up_?"

"_That wouldn't be the best idea_" Jack replied, continuing after the others threw questioning looks at him "_Well from past experience I have found that when you want to have a secret discussion about someone it tends to be best if there not there_"

The rest of the team looked back at him slightly bewildered, but Jack presses on. "_Have any of you noticed any thing different in Ianto's behaviour recently"_

"_What? Don't tell me that Tea-Boy is hiding a cyber brother in the archives now" _Owen spluttered.

"_Owen!"_ Both Gwen and Tosh yelled at once. Tosh punching him on the arm for extra effect.

"_What? Jack is the one who said Iantos' been acting odd"_

"_Not actually what I said Owen, but, back to the point in hand. How do you think Ianto's been coping since Lisa?"_

The team looked back at him blankly

"_Come on guys, help me out here_" Jack wined. "_He accuses us of not caring and never asking about him so we what?…has no one stopped to ask him….well …. anything?"_

The team now looked back at him guiltily. Gwen tried to defend them_ "In our defence Jack his cybergirl did try and kill us all. It's going to take a while_"

"_Its been over a month Gwen"_

"_Yer well…"_

"_No Gwen. No yer well's. This is not good enough. We __**all **__need to try harder. Is it just me that noticed how lifeless he has been?"_

Tosh spoke for the first time_ "I just assumed it was part of the mourning process Jack. He's been so withdrawn, so closed off" _she said in a quiet but confident voice_ "he is such a privet person, every time I asked he said he was fine. I… I didn't like to pry" _At this point she faltered_. "Do you think he's okay?"_

Despite everything Jack smiled at Tosh_ "I don't know Tosh, but I think we need to make sure"_

After discussion on the best way to engage Ianto and bring him into the team the conclusion was that Jack needed to set the ball rolling. Ianto had always talked more to Jack than anyone.

"_Ok so Plan Ianto is a go then_" Jack said pushing his chair back and standing up

"_Plan Ianto? Is that the best you can come up with Jack"_ Owen scalded

"_Hey its not my fault that the official Torchwood name giver is the subject of the plan!"_

Ianto walked into the hub weighed down with shopping bags from his recent trip into town. After starting to make some handover notes, Ianto had though it best to stock the kitchen up with supplies for the other. After all he didn't want them to starve.

Seeing the young man making his way through the hub Jack headed over to intercept him in the kitchen. No time like the present to put "Plan Ianto" in to action Jack though, plus him was keen to see if Ianto had picked up any donuts on his expedition

Jack delved into the bags which have been placed onto the countertop. Only to be stopped in his tracks by a quiet but distinct cough from the youngest member of his team. Looking up into Jack saw a flash of annoyance cross Ianto's face

"_What are you doing Sir?"_

"_Just thought I would help you put some of this stuff away"_ Jack flashed him his 100 watt smile, not wanting to admit that he was really after a sugar rush

"_Really?"_ The Welshman said with a raised eye brown which managed to get over a mixture of scepticism of the captains motives, and fear that Jack might actual try and put things away.

"_By which I mean I'm just going to take stuff out of bags and leave it on the side for you to put away?"_ Jack questioned hopefully.

The only response he got from the Welshman was a _hump_ as he turned to start putting the coffee away.

Feeling he needed sugar to trying to engage "Plan Ianto" Jack sets about pulling all the shopping out of the bags, looking for doughnuts.

"_Tinned pineapple? Why do we need so much tinned pineapple?"_ Jack asked incredulously.

"_Pineapple is a very good source of vitamin Sir!"_

"_You know, I know of something else that's a great source of vitamins"_ The Captain said wiggling his eye brows and with a distinct amount of smut in his voice. Ianto simply rolled hiseyes,

"_Sir, do you want to be in the hub, next time you go into unexpected lockdown with nothing but some cold pizza and un-eaten coleslaw?"_ Said the Welshman as he went to put the tins away, in one of the bottom cupboards. Jack stared unabashed at Ianto bending over, his head tipping slightly to the side as Ianto's suit pulled delightfully over his bum.

"_I think that you should get lots more pineapple next time!"_ Jack said with conviction

"_Sir you don't even like pineapple_" Came Ianto's muffled response

"_No but I luuuuve where it goes into cupboard_" The smirk that was clear in his voice was quickly wiped away as startled Ianto hit his against the top of the cupboard.

Standing up slowly Ianto turned with something akin to dejection

"_Sir was there something specifically you wanted?_"

Jack simply stared at Ianto trying to voice his concerns, but not sure where to start.

I not sure if you can have smut in your voice but figured if anyone could it was Jack


	5. Chapter 5

**Evening me dears, **

**Sorry for the wait, I have not been really in the mood to write anything lately but I thought it was about time I stopped procrastinating and did something productive. This is only a short bit to get me back into things. Hope its ok.**

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**Chapter 5 –Later That Morning - Part 2**

Standing up slowly Ianto turned with something akin to dejection

"_Sir was there something specifically you wanted?_"

Jack simply stared at Ianto trying to voice his concerns, but not sure where to start.

"_I ….er…. well…..er … what I mean to say is…. I was just thinking that ……well if you……..you know….….wanted….anything……from me ……. I mean … for anything……I would be more than willing…….happy I mean ……to do anything for you…....if you know what I mean…..._"

Tired blue eyes stared at the Captain "_Well as interesting and coherent as that is Sir I do have work that needs finishing_" and with that the Welshman skirted past him and out into the main Hub, before he could be stopped.

"_Plan Ianto going well then Jack_" Owen sarked after Ianto had headed into the archives.

"_Hey, I just need a moment to get into full stride. Then he won't know what's hit him_"

"_Yer that's probably what the poor guys afraid off. Honestly that boy can move faster than Lewis Hamilton when spooked_"

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Once down in the archives a rather freaked out Ianto took a moment to gather himself.

Well if that hadn't been proof of Jacks unpredictability nothing was Ianto thought. Thinking about it some more he wasn't really quite sure what Jack had been trying to say. Was it just another come on? It's not like he didn't know what Jack was like. He was also in no doubt that if he gave Jack the okay he would be bent over his desk before he could say jumping jack flash. It wasn't like he deserved any better, but he wouldn't defile Lisa's memory like that. She had suffered so very very much, and now he had to as well. He failed her and she had died tormented, locked in that metal shell, because he had been a pathetic weak boy. Just like his step-farther had always told him he was.

Now was not the time to wallow he told himself, clamping down on all his feelings pushing them back into the box he kept inside him, locking them away. He had learnt long ago that no one else was interested in how he felt, so it was best to pretend that everything was fine. He just wished he knew what Jack was playing at, could the Captain not just decide to wait until tomorrow to start harassing him. Tomorrow he wouldn't have to deal with it.

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	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry for the monumental delay! **

**Chapter 6 – Afternoon**

Ianto ordered lunch for the team, reflecting once again how mundane his life had become, despite working for an alleged top secret organisation.

He deposited the steaming pizza boxes on the coffee table, not even needing to alert the team. Within seconds the torchwood gannets had swooped in, so he withdrew to his little kitchen to make coffee to quench to gannets thirst.

He stood there listening to the chatter of his team mates. He wanted to be able to join in, to be one of them. Wanted to be able to forget all that he had done to them.

But he knew that wanting was wrong. Envy was wrong. It was a deadly sin as sure as the fact that he would burn in hell……. because God knows how Ianto wanted.

His step-father had drummed it in to him …….

_Neither shalt thou covet thy neighbour's wife; neither shalt thou desire thy neighbour's house, his field, or his manservant, or his maidservant, his ox, or his ass, or any thing that is thy neighbour's - Deuteronomy 5:21_

Yet he wanted so much, and even though he knew it to be wrong he couldn't help it. Everywhere Ianto went, he saw, and he wanted. In the office, the way Gwen chatted away so carefree to Rhys, just planning what to have for dinner or what film to rent. On the way to work, driving passed the scores of parents lovingly seeing their children safely to school. But most of all though, when he walked down the street passed a café or a coffee shop. He longed to be one of those people, sitting with friends sharing the day's news. To be a part of one of those couples just content to be together, with their secret smiles and gentle touches.….. but he had no friends or love ones. Ianto was alone. He felt so empty, so very empty. How could nothingness envelope so much, leave him with so little?

But wanting anything more that he had been given was wrong and a sin. He had been that told that time and time again as a child, that he was wicked, that he was impure, filled with original sin that could never be washed away.

His mam had never wanted him. It was understandable, but her religion had prevented her from ridding herself of him before he was born, and his tad afterwards. Yet no matter how much his tad had love little Ianto, and maintain that he was a simply an innocent child who needed a mother's love, his mam had never been convinced.

Ianto have never blamed his mam for less than happy childhood. He had tried to be a good son, to make her proud, and give her a reason to love him the way his sister was loved. But after his Tad had died he knew this would never happen.

A peel of laughter broke through his thoughts. He checked his watch - only just past 2. Not time to go yet.

So he waited.


End file.
